Thursday, January 8, 2009

Bangkok Dangerous ...your sanity is what's endangered

Huh... here comes another 'give-me-my-money-back' experience...
If after 'Ghost Rider' you think you've seen the worst of Cage, you'll be severely disappointed. In 'Bangkok Dangerous' the bad acting performance transfers into a whole new dimension which is no small achievement. 

Nicholas Cage (Joe) looks extremely ridiculous with this 'haircut' and the pale 'Nosferatu-lite' complexion. How ridiculous? Well, if you think you can rely on your imagination, try to burden it with the mental image of something resembling the result of an unsuccessful genetic experiment involving Marilyn Manson and just a hint of recent Michael Jackson, with a leather jacket, a gun, four (needless to say, waiting to be broken) hitman's rules of thumb, and showing all the acting skill of an overfed on spinach crocodile.

Funny, isn't it?

Or at least funny enough to cause fits of uncontrollable giggles for about a minute or two, which should be enough to tell all the story and order some pizza (warning, spoilers ahead - not that I think anything could spoil that experience, but still) - a rent-a-killer goes to Bangkok to kill four people for the local mobster boss, meanwhile hiring an indigenous pickpocketer to serve as a liaison, kills three of the targets, falls in love, screws the love sublot up, and right before killing the fourth victim, in a moment of deep sorrow (caused by the above-mentioned screw up with his beloved one) he discovers his fragile soul and (lo and behold) refuses to pull the trigger. Naturally, the bad guys start hunting him down, kidnap the befriended by then liaison, and are quite predictably extinct to the last person for this mistake. Our hero uses his last bullet to take both his own and the bad boss' lifes. And yes, please, put some anchovy on the pizza, nothing can scare me after 'Bangkok Dangerous'.

A predictable and fragmented plot, which seems as if written by a 12 year old semiliterate half-idiot and directed and edited by his retarded classmates. An unremarkable and sterile dialogue, ruined beyond imagination by horrible acting. The few and short near-bearable action scenes drown in the sea of Boredom. The characters are underdeveloped and unable to cause any emotion (aside from the short fit of hysterical laughter at Joe's first appearance).

In conclusion: 
An extremely annoying movie. Try to avoid it even if you suffer from insomnia.
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